Surprise Release: TWIU Episode 11: Brighten The Light

Renee Royal-Spencer: What's up, warriors? I hope that you are well and that you are doing everything that you could possibly be doing to. Today is a survival day. I'm going to go ahead on to be honest, OK? For many of us on this journey to motherhood, and this journey is dark and it's desolate and it's trauma-filled to the point that you feel like you just might not survive it. This day is a day of survival. I to make this episode specifically and especially for you as you carry ⁓ all it on a day when the darkness screams the loudest. I'm recording this on Mother's Day and it's intentional because I wanted to get the raw emotions of today the only way to get the real and the raw is to be in it on it ⁓ and I wanted to give you this episode to really let you know that you are seen today. You are supported today. We're making space for you today. And however you need to do today just to survive the day, baby, you better do it. You better do it and you better not think about nothing and how anybody is feeling about what you need to do for you today. You do it. OK. And I want to be clear. We're going to definitely, ⁓ absolutely honor moms If you got a great mom. Okay. when I say a great mom, that can be so vague. good mom. That can be so vague. If you've got a mom that's intentional, that's present, that's your ride or die. That's there for you whenever. that you can call on for whatever that sacrificed this for you and has done so from as far back as you can remember. You got a mom who doing the absolute best she could be doing? Baby, you better pause this video and go call your mama. Even if you talked to her already, pause it, go call her again and tell her your lover, tell her you're thankful for her, tell her you're grateful for her. her what she need from you today. Okay. Give her the best you got to give today. We going to do that for moms today. Okay. Period. Let me be clear about that. This is not about dimming light. This is not about dimming honor. This is not about ⁓ canceling a day. Woo! No, this is not about canceling a day. This is about acknowledging and creating room for the real grief that exists on today, okay? The grief that if you ain't never had to set to sit with it, you just don't even understand it. I remember when I was in the just when I was in the dark of the dark. ⁓ I remember. this one Mother's Day and when I tell you I don't even know why I went out the door. I don't even know why I went out the door on that day. Okay. I have no clue why I just, I should have just stayed home, but I'm such a push through person. Sometimes that can be to my detriment. Anyway, I remember this Mother's Day. And I put on my Sunday best. And I knew I was going to church. ⁓ because I wanted to go to church. ⁓ But I didn't know that church would be as hard as it was going to be on that day. I remember was just a bad day, bad day. I remember sitting there and I remember ⁓ the greatest ⁓ pain that I from this day was... ⁓ The shame. The shame of it all. ⁓ It's like shame screams so loud to those who are ⁓ on the journey wishing, hoping, praying, desiring for ⁓ God to bless the womb, okay? Everything screams loud. The loneliness, the pain, the unworthiness. Feeling less than a woman at all screamed so loud on Mother's Day. And if you know, know. And what was not helpful on this particular Mother's Day is that it seemed like there was no space for this grief. there was no space for this kind of pain that is inevitably magnified. And you can't help but to look at dead in the eye. as if we need that. as if it's not heavy every other day, especially when you're in the deep, in the dark, in the trenches of it all. I remember I just felt by myself, right? I felt nobody understood. At this point in time, so many people I knew had become parents. At this point in time, there were no family members that I... was aware that they were having the same experience, if that makes sense. ⁓ And so I was lonely, right? And I was walking it out by myself. ⁓ And earlier on, my husband didn't know what to do with this. Because... It was new for him too, you know? He didn't know what to do with it. ⁓ Doesn't mean that he didn't try to support me, but he just didn't know what to do with it. He knew that I was very fragile on this day. And he, what he did do was he treated me with gentleness. He was intentional in his actions. He gave me extra care. He did do that. ⁓ as he still does today, you know, ⁓ he did that, but there were no words. And a lot of times there are no words that you can say to somebody in this journey. A lot of the times, all you can do is really sit, especially where you have never been in this particular seat. Okay. I want you to know today if you're in the dark today that you don't need to push through. You don't need to save face. You don't need to put yourself in a position. to be trigger. gonna be a lot of triggers today and if you need to stay home maybe stay home and I'll tell you put your phone down you know call your mom your grandma your sisters, your aunts, and all those other people, who ⁓ they're moms, and they have been great mother figures to you. Reach out, acknowledge them, and put your down, and give yourself the that you have to give today. I wish I would have did that for myself earlier on instead of pushing through. Instead of... Trying to be strong, you know, instead of feeling so bad that, feeling so bad for my own pain, right? Feeling like there was no space for my pain because this is supposed to be a happy day, right? This is supposed to be a day where we honor and we love. little bit more than we do every other day with moms, our moms right and all those other women who are great or present intentional moms who are doing and giving the best that they have to give to their children. ⁓ felt bad. Like, like again, like there was no place in space for my pain, but I want you to know there is space. There's space. There's a place for your pain today. Give it room, honey. Today is a day that you gotta give it room like you've never given it room before because today is a day. everything, all of the darkness in this journey, the agony of it all, it screams louder than ever on today. And I want to encourage those If you're in relationship with somebody who's on their journey to motherhood and that journey has been hard, even if they haven't told you anything. you sense, That has been hard. I encourage you to make some space for those people in your life today. Not that you need to go and talk about it ⁓ bring it up, ⁓ if they bring it up with you, ⁓ encourage you to make space for them today. Make room for them today. Allow them to feel how they feel without it without their feelings diminishing honor that is supposed to be given today that should be given today, right ⁓ and When we think about, are all kinds of people that this day is hard for. I don't know about you, but for me, usually, the number one, the only other space that is typically made ⁓ today ⁓ for those who have lost their moms. And we should make room for that kind of grief today as well. Okay. We should make room for that kind of grief. It's a hard day for a person who had a present intentional loving giving mom who did the best they could and she's no longer walking this earth. This is a hard day for those. And like we make room for that kind of grief. We need to make room for this kind of grief as well. We need to make room for the idea that even having a mom who is present, intentional, gives her last, gives the best that she got to give. We need to make room for the idea that even when you have a mom like that. It's not enough to quiet and settle the agony that screams so loud on the inside of a woman's wife. been trying they've been waiting they've been praying to the Lord asking for the blessing the miracle of children and God has not allowed For whatever reason, Mother's Day is so vivid in my head. ⁓ My experience anyway, the past ones. And the days, the Mother's Day is where I grieved the hardest, the worst. ooh, those come to my mind. I remember those days because I remember how I felt on those days. ⁓ where the first thing that I did when I opened my eyes was went to my bathroom and sat on the floor and bawled because again, I knew that I was gonna be triggered. I knew that I was gonna have to face ⁓ a reminder that I didn't need. that I was not a mom. And there was no real space for my grief about this on this day. I don't know what today is gonna hold for you, okay? If you're on the journey anyway. I don't know what today is gonna hold. It's about 8.40 a.m. where I am and I'm dressed and I'm ready for church. And today I don't feel like I'm gonna be pushing through. ⁓ Today I feel like there is, like, other people may not have made space for me today. Other people may not have made space for me today. But I feel like I made space for myself today. I feel like the Lord made space for me today. Okay. He's near to the broken hearted, okay? But I am open to whatever light the Lord has for me today. And I'm open to whatever ⁓ sadness that wants to come that might need to come up for me today. And you should be too. And though this day can be a sad day for a lot of us, I want to give you some hope. Mother's Day hasn't been an easy day for me in the past. But I think back to Mother's Day last year Mother's Day last year marked think seven years. that my had ⁓ been. ⁓ my desire had been there or the desire had been just so great and overwhelming to be a mom. But last year was so different for me. I have had the ⁓ pleasure, the honor of praying this might be the third year, but praying every second Sunday every month. Okay. if you what that means. That included getting up there on Mother's Day and praying before the whole church. ⁓ Right? ⁓ ⁓ the I did not want to be up there. I had no prayer. I had no words. I had nothing to give. And because... I'm not dimming honor from mothers. I'm like, I shouldn't even be going up there. But when you don't want to, when you have nothing to say, nothing to pray, nothing good to give, those are usually the times where we should be going and praying and sacrificing the most. So I did. But. Because of this, pray on Mother's Day. So I'm praying this morning ⁓ when church starts. in that ⁓ privilege was a call, I believe, a ⁓ command from the Lord. that I need to get up. Hold my head up high. Feel what I'm feeling and move. And so. I do that. Um, and back to last year, 2025 Mother's Day. Okay. I remember that morning. There was no pain. I didn't feel no pain that morning. I didn't feel no pain. None. Um, like the agony was not great last year. Um, it was like, had a peace that I had never had before on Mother's Day. I had a joy that I had never ever had on Mother's Day. That was the first Mother's Day that my lack of children did not ⁓ bring me down, bring me to tears, bring me to... just a low place. I look back and that was truly a moment of breakthrough for me in my journey to motherhood. You can experience breakthrough in your journey to motherhood as well. Breakthrough from darkness, breakthrough from the pain of it all, breakthrough from ⁓ agony of it all, breakthrough from the shame. ⁓ You're seen. You're heard. You're loved unconditionally. and you are fully woman. You're not less than. You fully woman. Get your power back baby. It's yours for the taking. This is a time and this is definitely a journey where the enemy does what the enemy does so well. It comes to kill, steal and destroy. I do believe that. There's victory for us because what the enemy meant for evil, God meant it for good. Okay. God meant it for good. It may not look good right now, but because, but because, but because God meant it for good and because God is sovereign. Okay Warriors, ⁓ I hope that you get something from this. And loved ones of Warriors, I hope that you get something from this. And... That will do so much good. And we can do that. We can make room and space for the woman who has the desires, but hasn't seen her desire come in the natural, who's experienced the loss of ⁓ pregnancies. Let's make room and space for her today and make it room and space for her does not mean we dim light. tone down the honor. What it could mean is that ⁓ it should mean is that we brighten the light. Okay, let's brighten the light. So ⁓ I want to close out this episode in prayer. Father, you are sovereign. and you see your daughters today. You're smiling at your daughters who serving and loving the blessings, their children that you have given them very well today. You're smiling down upon them. ⁓ because you are the God who makes room for everybody, you're also smiling down. ⁓ at your daughters who are still waiting, who are still believing, who are still hoping, who are still trusting you to move in their wombs God on this day, I pray for extra care for these women. I pray that you would allow their support to be extra nurturing, be extra supportive, to be extra careful with them today. And I pray, Lord God, that everywhere. they go that the room would make space for them to be and whatever they are feeling today, God. Day could be a day when... We don't feel light, we don't feel joy, we don't feel hope, we don't feel peace. and you give peace that surpasses all understanding. So my prayer for my sisters today is that you will grant peace. you would create peace, and you would allow them the courage to make space for their own sadness and grief on this day. I pray that they will give it to you. They will give you their hearts fully and completely. so that you can work this pain for your glory. Pray this prayer. And I thank you in advance for answering and doing what only you could do. As in your wonderful, holy, matchless name.