TWIU Episode 12: HERstory X Sharday B. Part 2

Renee Royal-Spencer: so you can take it off. Take off your What's up warriors? I hope that you are well and that you are doing everything necessary to thrive wherever you are in your journey. Okay. but now you know by the title of the video, right? We are back with Sharday part two. All right. Um, I hope that you listened to part one. It was so great and we don't get into, um, 90 % of the things that we talked about. You're fly. ⁓ wow, how to beat a big brother. ⁓ that's a cute book. New baby is here. Hip hip hooray. What?! in part one in this part so go back you know get that and then then come back here Sade's part two ⁓ is ⁓ just as sweet and beautiful as part one I believe that part two ⁓ emphasizes sovereignty Are you kidding me? Uh-uh. What? Video! Okay, so welcome back. Thank you. So good to have you back. I know people have been like, girl, where is part two? You said we were in part two. You didn't drop all these episodes. Where is part two? So here we are back with part two. of God. he has the final say. How he is all powerful. How he does what he wants to do. always blessed when I hear Sharday's testimony and I hope that you ⁓ are ⁓ and you get everything that you need in this moment, in this time, in this day, in your journey as you ⁓ take part two of her testimony. Okay. So ⁓ let's into it. When you were here last, you were talking about self care. And I'm such a big self care person. And I'm just like, want to know what everybody's doing so that I can get some help and we can help one another. What have you been doing for self care lately? What does that mean to you? Self care? I feel like self care is just whatever makes you feel good, whatever makes you. to and to like re-energize yourself and recharge yourself, whatever that looks like. How have you been taking care of yourself? Is that a different way to ask? Just like, what have you been doing to pour into Sade? Um, well, the one thing that I have finally started to do is I've been talking about this, um, of course that I wanted to take the certificate. want to be a, become a lactation consultant. Okay. I've been talking about it for about good five years now. Okay. So finally I'm like setting time aside every Monday. I set a time the whole day. So I just use that day to like pour into that and actually. So, and when you were here last, right? We talked about a lot of things. If you haven't watched an episode, go back and watch part one, because we're not gonna give it all to you here today. You gotta go back for that, all right? So, one of the primary questions was, when you were going through like the deep in the dark of your journey, and when that was trying, hoping, waiting, praying, and then, Stop making excuses. Yeah. So tell me about, ⁓ talk about what a lactation specialist is. So lactation consultant is, usually a nurse that just helps new moms or new parents. when I had medium, that was the goal to do it and it was extremely difficult for me. And I just kind of became obsessed with it, like learning and Googling everything and doing everything I can, seeing lots of lactation consultants that were very, very helpful for me. And I just, the woman's body and how it was made and how the Lord created it. But honestly, he wasn't able to support me probably like he would have liked to in hindsight because he was so... So, you know, that was something we had to work through because then I started getting a little resentful because I felt like I didn't get to grieve like I wanted to because I was so worried about him trying to like be the positive one. Because if you know Arthur and I, he is the positive one out of the relationship. He's the glass half full and I always say I'm like the glass half empty. So the roles were reversed at that time. gave you the resources to feed your child. That was just very intriguing to me. So I want to help other moms, especially women of color, young moms that may not know much about it like I did it. Cool. And you're doing it. I'm doing it. You're doing it. And it's getting done. Yes. How's it going so far? It's going good. How long is it going to take you? So at the rate that I'm going, ⁓ And so what does that look like? ⁓ If somebody needs, not if, when somebody needs you, how do they get you? How do they get a lactation consultant? How does that work? There's multiple options. So when you have your baby in the hospital, they give you resources, there's classes, free classes that you can go to with other moms in a group, and there's lactation consultants that'll help you. But my goal is once I get my experience, because I have to do clinical hours as well to get hands-on experience. My ultimate goal is to be like an independent consultant and just come to the mom. So the mom don't have to bring baby out. I can come to your home and stay for an hour, hour and a half and give you like one-on-one hands-on education and teaching. You excited about it? I am nervous but excited. What are the nerves? No, just something new. Something new, stepping outside comfort zone, especially being an independent consultant. That's the whole new territory that I've Another one of the questions that came up for listeners is ⁓ How did your family support you when you were in the dark of your journey in your wedding How do they support you? We'll start there. How do they how do they support you? before like during the whole journey in general or just like the I don't know much about that. I think it'll be good. It's a need for it. It's exciting. Congratulations. Thank you. Exciting. So we're going to pivot a little bit, go back a little bit. ⁓ there were questions that people had from your last episode, right? And thank you so much for how you gave. It was a beautiful episode. love it. I hope that you loved it and that you were portrayed in the way that was. ⁓ good, satisfying to you. So we had some people send in some questions and I want to maybe start with those and use it as a way for us to go back and then we'll come back to why we're here today. like you need those people that are going to be ten toes down with you in this journey because it can be a lot. How could when you think about your family in general, how could family help a person ⁓ who's on this journey from your opinion? I think the best thing to do is ask them how you can support them. Because like you said, if they never been through it, they don't ⁓ it. ⁓ don't understand it. you know there's times where people think they're helping and it's not you know because it's an up-and-down journey. Some days you want to talk about it and you're open and sometimes it's like don't ask me no questions like I don't want to talk about it today. So I feel like the best advice is just to kind of ask them how can I help you today? How can I be there for you today or this week? really have the courage to ask how you can support, know, and to be direct. have to be direct. And Peter, Bush, just just ask. Yeah. You know, asking can't make it any worse. Right. OK. OK, good. So you mentioned, know, you have kids with an S. How many kids do you have? Two. So we looked into that ⁓ during, I think it was probably. It was like in the middle of COVID, I remember, because we started looking into fostering first. Did a couple of the online classes because it was COVID. I remember we had to do like Zoom classes, but it's a lot that you have to do to be able to foster a kid. didn't finish the process, but that's kind of where we started. And then we kind of got nervous because it's like, okay, fostering is a great thing. But now we have our little baby and then sometimes foster kids. way of adoption and that was like, well, no, I don't think that's worth it. And then you kind of started trying, but not really. ⁓ Yeah, just kind of thinking, hoping, but not like really trying. You weren't like tracking yourself. No, I don't think I tried. When did it come to a place that more action was taken towards? So that experience was a lot different than the first time around. I had the same doctor, but the company had expanded quite a bit. just the way they did things wasn't as like one-on-one personal like it was the first time around. So we started the process, IVF. We didn't get very far. Like we started the... and was so Tell me again, the embryos, what happened? Say that again. So once they get the follicles, they take them to the lab and they implant the sperm into each follicle to form so it can grow into, turn it to an embryo. But it didn't, the ones that they, I think they maybe were able to implant two of them that were like big enough and they never made it to a viable like state. I have mixed emotions. did feel like I should just be grateful because this wasn't supposed to be, you know what I mean? The baby that we had. So I should just be grateful. But then on the other hand is like, well, why can't we have more children? know, that's not fair. We want more children. Why can't we? Why can't it be easy for us? And that one morning, I'm just feeling weird, in my belly. It was kinda strange. My stomach was like jumping. And I'm like, all right, well, feel this. You could feel it, like something inside was just pulsating. I didn't know what it was. Didn't think much of it. A couple days later, I'm like, still not care. I'm like, well, let me just try and take a test and see what happens. a pregnancy test positive positive yes what was the reaction to that in shock kind of I didn't know how to how to take it I'm like just confused yeah excited of course yeah nervous for Nidia on how to be a big brother. So he comes home from work and I have Nidia give him a book. He's like, I got a new book. Art is just reading. He didn't read the cover, or he did, but he ain't think nothing of it. He's just reading, ⁓ this is nice, how to be a big brother. So he's just reading the book to Nidia and not even reading anything. Bam. ⁓ I remember in your first episode, I think the doctor, I don't remember the percentage, but he basically told you that it was not happening naturally at all. Yeah. It was like a three, five to three percent chance. But you pop up right. me about the journey ⁓ your pregnancy journey Do you consider Nobie to be your second baby your baby? I'll say third. Okay. ⁓ journey to third baby. What was that like? far enough to long to where they could like ⁓ see a heartbeat. ⁓ So we have to wait maybe like three, four weeks before I can get in. just nerves up until then we finally get to see the doctor and you know, everything checks out good. work looks good. Have a nice heartbeat. just going through pregnancy. was overall it was just kind of spoken to me and she was like, she didn't know what I was thinking about but the Lord must have spoke to her and said like, are you worried about the baby? I'm like, yeah. And then she just was kind of confirming like, you don't need to worry, said it's good, don't worry. And that was like what I needed in that moment, like that confirmation. So I think at that time, that's when I was kind of like, Somebody else didn't even know what I was thinking. Yes. Yes. Upset about but that gave me some through the umbilical cord like they were saying that it's possible that the baby could be a stillborn because the blood flow wasn't as strong as it should have been. They told you this when you went in for your appointment after you had gone back to do that? Yeah. How did that make you feel? I was really annoyed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I told my doctor originally I was, because you're okay to go, you know, if it's safe to go past your due date. And I told them, like, I didn't want to get induced. They wanted to induce me like a week prior. I'm like, I don't want to get induced. I just want to it happen naturally. So we get this ultrasound and then she's saying, like, she said the word stillborn. So of course that, like, puts fear in you. You don't want to experience that. I'm like, okay, I'll agree. I'll go over. So they give me all checked in. The pain gets really, really intense. This is about like four o'clock, 4.30. I'm getting checked in. Pain is very intense. Contractions are coming and coming. I can't take it. I wanted to do it without epidural, but I tapped out. I can't do it. So they set me up. They send my family out the room. just getting frustrated like something is coming out of me. So they check me, me laid down, check me in, then I'm like ready to push. So they call my family back in, they were down in the cafeteria, took them like five minutes to get back, so had to wait for them to come back in. And then. She was here like in three or four minutes. ⁓ Wow. Yeah, was really quick. Wow. That's wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So again, did you did you get to do skin to skin immediately? I didn't because she came out so fast. They took her over to the incubator. how they may have caused a little bit more pain and anxiety and worry than you needed. And even if you have advice on how they could do better, because you're also a medical professional. Because I'm thinking about I'm thinking about how the doctor told you that you know, it was impossible. I'm thinking about how the doctor treated you after you literally just lost your baby, you know, and then you got another one here at the really at the end of your pregnancy, you're about to give birth and they're like, it's a possibility. More education on that kind of stuff. know, and it's like you want to trust the doctors, right? Because they went to school for this stuff. It's not like you can ignore what they're telling you, but still you have to trust your own. Yeah. when you got to a place where you had your baby and it was like, this is real. I'll just have this baby. Now, you know in the journey to right, there's loneliness. you also? I love it. That was so beautiful. Thank you so much. ⁓ And. Will you come back any time? Thank you so much. Well, that will do it. I hope that you all got something really good from Sharday's part two of her testimony, and ⁓ hope that you are doing whatever you can do to thrive.