TWIU: Episode 17: The Big 3 (Jealousy, Envy, and Covetousness)

RE: Up Warriors. I hope that you are well and that you have been putting in the work to thrive. Okay. If you're new here, I am one of your hosts, Renee. And this is the Warrior in Us. The Warrior in Us is a podcast slash ministry where we Warriors walk out the journey to parenthood when it's dark, when it's desolate, when it's debilitating, with our eyes set on our heavenly father so that we can thrive in the midst of waiting in this journey. And today's episode is not gonna be an easy one, it's not gonna be one that makes us feel good, all right. We're gonna get a little bit uncomfortable in this episode, and we're gonna talk about some stuff. Stuff that you don't really want to talk about because you don't really want people to know that you are dealing with these things that we're gonna talk about, okay? And if you've ever been on this journey and it's been dark, it's been desolate, it's been debilitating, then you have definitely experienced some of these things at some point in time. What am I talking about? Jealousy, envy, covetousness, in this episode, I'm gonna tell you about my experience with these things, what I have had to process, how I process them, and what am I doing to get out my get out of my own way so that I can thrive and not be hindered by these things that come up and they they they so easily ensnare us in this journey to parenthood when it's dark and it's desolate and it's debilitating. let's get into it, okay. So, have you ever prayed to the Lord and asked him for something in particular, right? And then later down the line you watch as another person receives the prayer that you prayed, even though a number of things are not true in their circumstances, but they get it nonetheless, right? And There's a feeling that comes up, right? Sometimes you can't put words on it, sometimes you can't even articulate it. Sometimes it just makes no sense because you have assessed and evaluated the blessings that you do have. And so sometimes it just makes no sense the feelings, but they come nonetheless, and then at a certain point in those feelings. We start to feel like ill. I'm just disgusted with myself. I should not be feeling like this. One of the words that we can call these feelings is jealousy, okay. And if you have been in a waiting season, specifically in the journey to parenthood, and you've been waiting and you've been waiting and you've been praying and you've been hoping and you've been fasting and you've been all of the things, okay. Depending on where you are and how long you have felt feelings of jealousy. Okay. Now we can call these things a lot of different things, right? We can we can call these we can call this a lot of different things. One of them for sure is jealousy. Now there are so many definitions for jealousy. One of the latest definitions that I liked, and and it's more descriptive of how we can understand jealousy is the idea, and I believe this came from Jay Shetty, right? jealousy is the thought that, I want that, you know, like or why don't I have that? and and it's and it's more focused on you than them. But it's deeper than that because we have scripture, okay? Proverbs 14 and 30. It says a peaceful heart leads to a healthy body. Jealousy is like cancer in the bones. Wow. Baby. This Bible be getting us all the way together, okay? Maybe getting us all the way together. So I bring that scripture up because this communicates to me that jealousy can get a bit deeper than that, right? Because Jealousy can turn into other things, right? Jealousy can turn into envy. And there are multiple different definitions of what envy is, right? but I liked how Jay Shetty also described His understanding or perception of what envy is. And envy is you get to the point where you're like, they don't even deserve that. Why do they have that? They don't deserve that. I deserve that. I should have what they have. And unfortunately, if we're being honest, we get to those places in this journey to parenthood. Right. It just we do. We do. you don't stay there. And I'm not saying that all of us get there because there are those like two, three, four, five, ten percent of people on this journey and they they don't ever get there. And and that doesn't mean that those of us who do get there are horrible people, okay? We're not horrible, right? I wanna talk specifically about something, a prayer that I put out and I gave to the Lord last year. And and I it's just a request that I had, right? So I I do vision boards, you know, when I'm feeling like doing a vision board for the year. And I kid you not. I made one for twenty twenty five, okay? And I'm never dropping names or anything like that. It's just n This is just me being vulnerable because I I understand that vulnerability is what's necessary here. vulnerability is what is gonna help somebody and vulnerability is why I believe a part of the reason why I believe that I'm even sitting here on this journey in this particular path. Because I'm supposed to help somebody with my raw and my real. And my raw and my real is not going to make everybody feel good. My raw and my real may be offensive to some people. Nevertheless I feel compelled to give the raw and the real. Alright. So last year, and I got my boy right here for you for you all to see. it's a little bent up now. Last year, 2025, I put this specific, I I made this specific request to the Lord, right? And I asked the Lord, again, this was not my first time asking for it, but this is the first time that I got really specific with it, okay? And I said, Lord, I want my twins and I want them to be twin girls, okay? Kids you're not. Let me show you my board. 2025 as you see right here and then here. Let me get up. So that is that's the request that I've that's the prayer that I prayed and I got more specific with it. Again, I've been braying and asking a little for twins since like 2022 and and further back. So anyway, last year I did that right. And God did not give me those twin girls last year, okay? He did not give them to me. They didn't come, they weren't conceived in my body, all right, and born from my body. But the Lord did give them to somebody that I love deeply, okay? And when I learned that, right, in the fullness and the extent of it, I was like really first of all blown away okay and I felt offended like the Lord had offended me and I'm just being honest here all right I felt offended I felt like Lord you gotta be kidding me and that wasn't the word that I thought okay I'm like Lord you gotta be kidding me this is outrageous insane and For a while I had to really just go and and then Really just give it to the Lord and be raw. If you listen to the last episode, one of the things that I continuously have to remind myself is that, I don't have to fake nothing with God. Like, the Lord wants me to come to him with s with honesty, right? 'Cause because he knows anyway. He knows. It it helps nobody. It definitely doesn't help me to go to him like God, you're so awesome and so great, and you're so amazing, and you're so wonderful, and you're so good, and you're so mighty, and you're so powerful, and you're so strong, and you're worthy of all praise, and you're worthy of all glory, and you're worthy of all honor, and all of those things and more, He is. But on the inside, I'm feeling like. Empty. Like, I don't even believe the words that are coming up out of my mouth. Right. Like the Lord will rather me go sit and say, Lord, I believe that you're all these things, but I don't believe that you're those things to me in this specific area. Rather than me to come and put a mask on and to hide and to suppress, because suppression helps nobody, right? And if there's one place, space, area that we can go and be free, it's in the presence of the Lord. That is what I have learned and what I continually have to remind myself. Okay. so that happened. And I was jealous. I was. I was like, what you know when am I gonna get what I keep asking for? You know? And if you've been on the when you've been on the journey long enough, everybody it's like you think you you think like first of all, everybody and their mama then got pregnant, right? Everybody and their mama didn't got pregnant, so you just like while I'm getting stronger and stronger, nothing can I can't be shaped, you know? Who else? You know, who else wanted? But then You make a specific request like that to the Lord and then the Lord does it, but he doesn't do it for you. That's breeding ground for the enemy to wreak havoc. And I'll tell you, the enemy tried to wreak havoc, okay? I I d I desperately believe that the enemy wants me to have nothing to do with God. The enemy wants me to be to hate God, to despise God. I believe that, okay? The enemy doesn't want me to be in any kind of beautiful bliss, joy-filled, peace-filled relationship with the Lord. And that specific thing, if I didn't get the right perspective about it. in in the right posture about it, right? The right part posture about it, I don't even know where I would be today. Okay. and then there are other circumstances and situations where I do believe that I did go so far as to be in the place of envy and also to covet, right? So covetousness. in Exodus, Exodus twenty and seventeen, and and it's one of the ten commandments, thou shalt not covet That's where I would stop. But the scripture says, Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's. Okay. so when we look at covetous covetousness, to me it's when we have these this deep seated desire for something exactly that another person has. And then the way that I heard it explained in some podcast that Jackie Hill Perry was on, I believe, covetousness can be described or explained as the feelings of never having satisfaction or the belief that you can never be satisfied until you have this one particular thing. Right? Until you it's the belief that you can never be and will never be joy filled, peaceful, love filled, happy until you have the baby. until God has given you the positive ultrasounds and pregnancy tests, right? It's that it's that's covetousness, right? And If you've been on the journey long enough, you likely have been there as well. I have been there, okay? But I think back to when I specifically was dealing with the feelings of envy, right? And and and emotions of envy. And it was when I thought about some of my family, right, and people close to me and I would just have these thoughts like they don't deserve that. They don't deserve those kids. They don't they never have those kids, okay? Those kids always with somebody else, alright? Don't even take care of those kids very well. They don't deserve that. They shouldn't have that. Those kids should be my kids. Mmm Yeah. I've had those feelings before. and it takes a lot of work and it's a continual thing. That has to be addressed, right? It's no one and done because you just never know what position you might be in. That's like I never I was not prepared for the Lord to give that prayer to somebody so close to me that was right up in my face and it was hard to miss, right? I I wasn't prepared for that. Not in the same year that I asked for, right? I wasn't prepared for that one. But we have to be prepared so that we don't have to we have to stay prepared so that we don't have to get prepared, or however it goes. And it's one of those things that's like we have to continually be in the place where we are doing things that helps us to address these kinds of emotions and behaviors and Going back to the feelings of envy that I felt, right? I had to check myself there because there is also scripture, right? In Psalm 127, verse 3. And that scripture says, Children are a gift from the Lord. They are a reward from Him. Right. And so let's just look at the first part. Children are a gift from the Lord. What does that mean? That means the Lord gives those things. I know that in society when it's not somebody's experience to wait, to be in a dark place, to be in a desolate place, to be in a debilitating place, in their journey to parenthood, then they don't understand or even have the belief that it's God who gives children, right? y you know, you have to do or we think we have to do things right. We think that we gotta have all these things and come in order which the things need to come in order, okay? The things need to come in order, but we think that we have control over all of these things coming in order. The reality is we do not have control over all of the things that have to come in order for conception to happen. Human beings we have no control over that. That is a God thing. And I love Psalm 127 verse 3 children are a gift from the Lord. So when I when I when I came across the scripture, I had no choice but to go back to God, right? I can't be mad and angry and resentful at these people for getting something that they didn't have no control over getting, right? Like They didn't it didn't it didn't happen for them because they made it happen for themselves. It happened for them because that was the Lord's will. And in all of my working because I work hard, okay. I work hard to be my best self. I work hard to educate myself. I work hard to enhance who I am as a person so that I am actually able to thrive and so I'm always learning. I love to learn. one book that I got right and it came at a time when I really needed it, right? A book that I got and it was so funny is it's called Envy by Mike Faberaz. Okay. Looks like this. Short read. You know, you can get through it. In about a week or less, okay. But in that book it's so helpful, okay. So I would encourage you. Read that book. Alright. It doesn't matter if you're on the journey to parenthood and it's dark and it's desolate and it's and and it's debilitating or it's not, or you're somewhere else in some other journey. This book is a book for life. Okay? For ho for for the whole life. So check out the book. Anyway, in that book, the author highlights in he highlights n numerous things. But one of the things that I felt like the Lord was dealing with me on is related to the parable in Matthew 20 The p it's the parable of the vineyard workers, right? And It says verse 1, Matthew 20, verse 1, for the kingdom of heaven is like the landowner who went out early one morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay the normal daily wage and sent them out to work. At nine o'clock in the morning, he was passing through the marketplace and saw some people standing around doing nothing. So he hired them, telling them he would pay them whatever was right at the end of the day. So they went to work in the vineyard. At noon and again at three o'clock. He did the same thing. At five o'clock that afternoon, he was in town again and he saw some more people standing around. He asked them, Why haven't you been working today? They replied, Because no one hired us. The landowner told them, Then go out and join the others in my vineyard. That evening, he told the foreman to call the workers in and pay them, beginning with the last workers first. When those who hired at five o'clock were paid, each received a full day's wage. When those hired first came to get their pay, they assumed they would receive more. But they too were paid a day's wage. When they received their pay, they protest to the owner. those people worked only one hour. And yet you have paid them just as much as you have paid us who worked all day in that scorching heat. He answered one of them, friend, I haven't been unfair. Didn't you agree to work all day for the usual wage? Take your money and go. I wanted to pay the last worker the same as you. Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I am kind to others? And I'm gonna pause right there. I'm gonna stop right there with that one. This parable had can be used and applied to so many different situations. But I what I loved about the author Mike Faberes, okay, I hope I'm not butchering that name, is the way that he compared it to envy, right? Now the workers were upset that the Lord had gave the other people who came after them the same amount of money that he gave them, and they expected more from the Lord, right? And so What the the key and critical verses from this parable is Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I am kind to others? I just said Psalms one twenty-seven says children are a gift from from the Lord, right? And let's do some Fillin' in right here, is it against the law for me to do what I want with my gifts? Should you be jealous because I am kind to others? And I don't know about you, but Thinking about this parable. as it relates to envy. It's like I'm upset that the Lord is being good to other people. Envy is being upset that the Lord is blessing other people. And Who am I to be jealous of God being God? Right? Like, only God can be only God can be God. I can't be God. No human can be God. And If the Lord willed for them to have those babies when they had those babies, that was the Lord's will. I can't do nothing about that. So it's like if I sit there and hold on to that, so many things start to build. And I think back to that scripture in Proverbs 14 and 30, right? Jealousy is like a cancer in the bones. Mm. Because what can happen is we internalize these things and we stay focused on this it's like we stay locked in right here. And it's all that is on our minds and it's all that we see and it's all that we hear and it's all that we think about and it's all that we want to talk about And when that happens, that's brooding ground for devastation to happen, okay. for me, I used to feel really horrible when I felt these things come up or when I feel these feelings of jealousy come up. But I'm reminded about Rachel's story in Genesis chapter thirty. And I talked about Rachel's story in one of those episodes in the series The Burden is the Lord, right? I talked about her her then. And Rachel was married to Jacob, okay? And Jacob was Isaac's son, And How we know in the New In the New Living Translation it says in verse 1, Genesis 30, verse 1, When Rachel saw that she wasn't having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister. Who is her sister? Go back to those episodes and watch it and find out. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Read Genesis 30, okay? But her sister was Leah, right? And when you read Genesis 30, you know. Leah's story didn't look like Rachel's story, okay? And so that led to Rachel being jealous. Now, Leah did some other things too, right? But this helps us to understand that, first of all, it's in Genesis, the first book in the Bible. That tells us that from the begin that communicates to me that from the beginning of time. Jealousy in this journey to motherhood, parenthood, fatherhood is normal. It's gonna come up. It's what you do with it, it's how you navigate it, it's how long you sit in it, it's how deep you let it fester, is what matters. Right? So we don't have to feel icky about it. Like we don't I don't you don't have to be disgusted with yourself because you feel like you feel feelings of envy and jealousy and even covetousness. And I remember a time where I used to be solo, okay? I used to be in such a dark place that it was like I believed and lived like I'm not gonna be happy until I get that positive test. I'm not gonna be happy until I push that baby out. I'm not gonna be happy until I have my baby in my arms. I can't. It's just not no way. It's impossible. It ain't gonna happen. It's it's unreasonable to ask me to be any of those things until I get what I want, which is my baby. That is covetousness, okay? Part of it. Alright. And then because of what we know from because of the context that we get from Exodus twenty seventeen, we know that it is also specifically tied to something else that somebody has that's close to me. There are degrees and levels to all of these things, purpose of this episode is really to help us Understand that number one, this is normal, and to accept that this is gonna come up and to recognize it when it does come up. So all of that, right? All of these things, we talked a little bit about what it can look like and what they might be, but I encourage you to do your own research, okay? Do your own research. Dig deep into it, right? There were some truths that I had to had to ingrain and still do. as often as possible so that I don't stay in these feelings and these emotions, right? And the first is It's gonna come up. It's gonna happen. It's likely to happen. You don't gotta feel icky about it. You don't gotta be disgusted with yourself. But you do have to do this thing right here. And that is take it to the Lord. Right? Do what you can do to avoid suppressing these feelings and emotions because suppressing them does not release them. Suppressing them just pushes them down and allows them to fester and build, and you hold on to it until the next situation comes and you don't do something about it quick enough. I don't wanna be in the room when those things come spilling out and overflowing out. Okay. another truth that I encourage us to remind ourselves is that God doesn't make any mistakes. God knows what you don't know. He sees what you can't see. He and he does what he wants to do. Okay, he is God and you are not. He is God and I am not. He can do what he wants to do. And who am I to be jealous, to be envious of? God blessing others. Again, I don't want us to be filled with shame over this thing. just want us to recognize it, okay? Recognize it. And then Another thing that we do to address these feelings and emotions and decrease their chances of interfering with our abilities to thrive, right? Is we practice celebrating others. The smallest things we practice celebrating them, you know, no matter what you feel like, right? Congratulations. I'm so happy for you. And sometimes, yeah, you are faking it until you make It I'm so sorry to tell you. I hate faking it until I make it. I don't know about you. I hate that. That's one thing I hate, but sometimes you're faking it until you make it, baby. And one day, if you continue to develop and evolve in your celebration of others, right? Like taking it to over the top in the celebration of others. One day. Jealousy and envy and all that stuff. I'm not saying that it will never come up again, but you won't experience it the same, is what I believe. Because you're gonna be so your because your celebration and your joy for other people is going to be so real and so thick and so true that. You might be in a little bit of disbelief yourself that you are this excited and happy for other people. And get around people who celebrate other people. Get around other people who are happy for other people when they win, when they excel, when they whatever. Get around other people who are excited for people who become parents, even though they're not. And I think that's gonna help you out real good. That's all I got. Okay. I hope that you were blessed, I hope that you got some insight here, and if nothing else, I hope that you learned that you are not alone in those feelings of jealousy and envy and covetousness. And I hope that you will begin, if you're not already doing the work, but that you will begin to do the work so that these things are not what hinder your ability to thrive while you wait on God in this unknown time. Okay? All right, warriors. I want to hear from you. I love to hear from you. I love to know how you were helped. I love to know that you maybe shared this with somebody else. Maybe you're listening. You're not a warrior, but you're listening because you want to be a better support for a warrior that you love. Send them this book. Hey, some sometimes again we have to do these things that are uncomfortable. because the discomfort in doing the thing is completely outweighed by the benefit that comes from doing the uncomfortable thing. Alright. Okay. I can go on your own. I love you. Until next time. Be well.