TWIU Episode 7: HERstory X Sharday B. Part. 1

Renee: we just tried to do more like ⁓ natural things we kind of found on Dr. ⁓ Come on, let's talk about some of the things you remember that y'all did. Since we learned there was like a sperm count issues, I was looking up ways to ⁓ boost your sperm count. found like vitamins. Have Art take these vitamins. They were tearing his stomach up, ⁓ he was still trying. And then I read red foods, red vegetables. strawberries, peppers, eat this, this, trying to change up his diet. Yeah, a lot of different medications that I've seen on Google that ⁓ supposedly good reviews. ⁓ You what some of those things were? you. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here. ⁓ open and hoping that my journey can inspire and give hope to someone else. Yes, it will. ⁓ They don't know, but it will. ⁓ what's one? One of the things was maca root. I buying some. think it's like an herb. And what was that supposed to help? Maca root. Supposed to help with like sperm production maybe. area of your life that you're working on right now to maybe enhance or improve. Motility. How long ⁓ did you all spend using Google as your? So right now, I'm just working on trying to find myself ⁓ do you by that? Just outside of motherhood and being a wife. Something I wanted for so long and I so much into it, which isn't a bad thing. But just trying to find out what I like what's to me. ⁓ For a good while, I would say for years, because we didn't really talk about it with, like our very, very close family knew some details, but as far as other people, we didn't really talk about it. So it was just kind of whatever I would Google or see. and just find fulfillment for myself outside of motherhood and being a wife. How are you doing that? Therapy. Trying to connect closer to God and hear His voice and take His direction. So whatever would just kind of come across my timeline or the internet, I would just give it a try. and just trying to be the best version of myself and prioritizing myself and realizing that it's okay to prioritize myself. I am who's not on YouTube, but I look at things on YouTube and I see how ⁓ some moms, that's one thing sometimes that can happen, right? ⁓ Because you just want to make sure your kids are well and It wasn't something that you all talked about. Why not? ⁓ I think embarrassment. were embarrassed. For sure. Because, ⁓ I don't know anyone else in my family that has struggled having children, ⁓ especially to this degree. ⁓ every need is met and that they're satisfied, right? And sometimes it's like, you think you can't be satisfied if they're not satisfied. But it's so good that you're taking the time to prioritize yourself. ⁓ that's okay, because you need to. I how are you gonna be a great anything if you're not a great Sharday? ⁓ You're a great you. ⁓ feel like something is wrong with you. ⁓ So you just don't want people looking at you and judging you and feeling sorry for you and telling your business and you know, they can't have kids or touch her womb Lord, because you know, she trying to have a baby, Lord, touch a womb ⁓ first and foremost, how are gonna be a great anything? Yeah, What's, ⁓ have you learned anything interesting about yourself since you started to prioritize you figure what you like and dislike? ⁓ my goodness. People mean well. Sometimes, you know, they mean well. They do. So ⁓ you have this sense of shame. ⁓ I'm still trying to figure that part out. I am learning though that I have a lot of healing from inside that I have to ⁓ do. So I just gotta do the ⁓ to heal from the inside so that can be the best version ⁓ of myself like I said before. I'm supposed to be able to do this thing. My body was created to do this thing. Everybody has been able to do this thing. But for some reason, I've not been able to do this thing. Who is the best version of Sharday? That's a good question. I would say the best version of myself is someone that is just confident and not care what people think. ⁓ cause I didn't really. I'm the problem. ⁓ and it's like You know why me? Because I'm a good person you know ⁓ I'm responsible I work. why? ⁓ Why is us? We be great parents like why? think that about myself, that I care what people thought about me, but the older I get, I realize just the society we live in, you kind of internalize those things and kind of compare yourself to other people's lives and find validation in things that really doesn't matter. So I would say just being confident in who I am, the choices that I make, and be comfortable saying, where was the Lord's in your journey ⁓ at that time? ⁓ was such a time that it differed, ⁓ you know, where he at. Sometimes he was at the root of it. At times he was not in the picture because I was frustrated, angry, gave up hope. ⁓ No, I want to prioritize myself and not go to this event or go to this party or this dinner, if I just want to sit at home and be by myself, then it's okay. because it was a good seven year journey for us before we were able to experience parenthood. There was, let's see, Maybe four years into trying where we did get pregnant. I love that got pregnant. What was that like? It was, it was amazing. It was a great feeling. Finally seeing ⁓ positive pregnancy test. was nerve wracking. ⁓ What was going on in your body? you said something and I'm gonna use that as a segue into journey to motherhood, parenthood. You said, you're working to come out of ⁓ comparison and comparing your life ⁓ or what you have going on to someone else's. ⁓ Is this like people on social media or is this like real life or both? I would say a combination of both. Mainly like the messages that like our society sends to us. I feel like what is like a good life. how did you know? I think, um... just realized it, because I used to track on the app that I have. then I think it gave me a reminder like, hey, you haven't put your cycle in. I was like, ⁓ I didn't think about it. I'm late. OK. And then I waited a couple of days because you have so many negatives that you're scared to even get your hopes up. I waited. Let's talk about that. Before the time when you learned that you actually were, You know, and there's no one definition of what is considered a good life or you know what I mean? Just kind of writing that for myself. Were you taking pregnancy tests? I probably took a break right before, but yeah, all throughout. were you ever ⁓ in a place where were like, you felt like your life wasn't good because you were not a mom Absolutely. Yes. Cause I always thought that ⁓ having children would just be part of my story that I will get married and we will have kids and it wouldn't be a struggle. ⁓ like consistently and then I would take them sporadically. ⁓ would feel changes in my body ⁓ and I'm like, think I might be pregnant. Let try to take a ⁓ test this month just to see. ⁓ Just any kind feeling I had that was different. like, ⁓ Yeah. never crossed my mind that I would have issues getting pregnant. So when it didn't happen. in a timely manner like I thought it was. And yeah, I definitely question that. a lot of why questions. Why isn't it happening for me? What about me? I'm a good person. then see everyone else around you having babies that may not be in what you think is a great situation. And it's you think it's just not fair. Thank you. So I did jump a little bit, right? You are married, of course. How long have you been married? I have been married for 14 years now. 14 years. Crazy to say, doesn't feel like it, it's been 14 years. years. How did you and your husband meet? So our stories are different. If you ask him, he says one thing. If you ask me, I say another thing. Of course. So we first met when we were young, grade school. Just in passing, we have friends that knew each other. So we see each other in passing. But as adults, we... All right. So ⁓ you took a pregnancy test ⁓ and came back positive. Came back positive. ⁓ Yeah. So. ran into each other at work. I was a nursing assistant, he was a paramedic. we just kind of. Were you in the same hospital? Well, I worked for the hospital. He did transport. He was in and out. He would come to that hospital. How old were you when you first like laid eyes on him? When we like reconnected as adults? I was 24, 23, 24. What were your thoughts? I believe Arthur wasn't at work. Emotional, crying. Show him the test. He screamed when he gets home. He's screaming, jumping up and down. Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. He's so excited. We wait till we go to the doctor, get blood words, see a heartbeat. We share with our family. Family. When you first saw him, did you think, oh, that's my husband? Absolutely not. No. I was just like, oh, I remember him because Art was really short. He was really short when we were younger. And I was just like, oh, I remember him. So I just went up to him like, hey, you're Brandon Beecham's cousin, right? And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I am. I'm like, remember me? I'm sure that he like, yeah, he didn't really remember me at that time. But he acted like he did. is so excited, crying with us. ⁓ And then one Sunday. was just kind of not feeling great, feeling like just achy sore. Started spotting a little bit, talked to my, called the doctor like sometimes, you know, that's normal, just keep an eye on it. If it gets worse, let us know. Talked to a cousin of mine that I'm close with ⁓ who was pregnant at the same time. ⁓ She was like, We were just chit chatting and catching up. And then before he left, he was like, hey, can I get your number? And I'm like, sure. Thinking like we would just connect, hang out, be friends. And here we are 14 years later. Now you're married. Now we're married. When you were, thinking back to 23, 24, were you thinking about motherhood at the TIME? Confirmed like, yeah, sometimes it happens. She's at that time had through, this is her fourth, her first child. And she's like, ⁓ yeah, sometimes it happens. I'm pretty sure it's fine. Just keep an eye, take it easy. I'm like, okay. Go to bed that night. Just the pain is getting worse. Just like severe back pain, bleeding's getting a little heavier. So we go to the ER. ⁓ probably vaguely. were your, if you can remember, what were your thoughts? They check me out, do a physical exam. Everything looks good. They couldn't do an ultrasound for some reason. Everything looks good. Your cervix is closed. I think you're great. Go home and rest. Follow up with your OB. Okay. Thank you. Get up, go to the bathroom. And as I'm walking to the bathroom, I just have excruciating pain and pressure. then just everything just came out like as I'm getting dressed to go home and they tell me that everything's good. They just told you everything was good. And I miscarried ⁓ the ER. ⁓ I don't want to be graphic. We want to go there. ⁓ If you to. Yes. ⁓ Yeah, it was traumatic. will say, I've always just seen myself as a mother. remember probably younger than 20s. ⁓ Yeah, well, younger than 20. Because I thought, for some reason, thought 19 would be the perfect age to become a mom. And this is when I was like 11, 12. I'm like, when I turn 19, because I will be still young. And I want to be a young mom. OK. I remember. Mm-hmm. ⁓ I pretty much deliver the sack, the baby in the sack. How far along were you at that time? 11 weeks. 11 weeks in one day. Okay, I'm sorry. I thought 19 was the perfect age because my parents had me I believe in like their early 20s like 22 23 so I'm like Yeah, I want to be a young mom. I think it would be great and I don't even know about thought about being married at that time I'm just like 19 is a good age cuz I'm an adult Mm-hmm. So we called the doctor in and we're like, this just came out of me. What is this? The doctor is very cold, very just dismissive, sitting there annoyed. Like, I can't tell you what that is by looking at it. I can't confirm what is by looking at Was the doctor a male or female? Female. ⁓ Female. That was a female? Female doctor. What were you actually doing at 19 not ready for children at ⁓ I was just still in just living life. know, ⁓ not very responsible yet, yeah. OK. You and your husband met then ⁓ some time went on. And that was the way she treated you. ⁓ my God. ⁓ Mind you, I'm a nurse at this hospital. They don't know that because I don't just say at work here, but care was pretty horrible. Arthur, he's upset. He's in the hallway. because we had our light on for a while. No one came in. Like my wife is bleeding. So he goes in the hallway. He's screaming, yelling. They call security on us. ⁓ talk about when you you knew that was your husband. to see what's going on and yeah, the doctor comes in, hand on her hip. I can't tell you what that is. We'll have to send you to the lab to see. So we're just there, obviously upset, crying. And then we knew, I don't remember who like finally told us, yeah, it looks like you are miscarrying. before we even became official, like a couple, we were hanging out all the time. So after we exchanged numbers, I invited him to my graduation party from college. came, he knew some people there that he knew just from his growing up. And then we were just kind of dating and I was like starting to like him a little bit. And then. he start telling me that he has sickle cell, which I already knew I remember from being younger, but he didn't know. So he just was kind of opening up telling me how he had sickle cell and all the health complications that he's been through with it. And then I was like, ⁓ wow. And then I remember like kind of back in a way I'm like, I kind of like him, but I'm not trying to fall too deep because I don't want to like. We are just left there in the room to kind of pull ourselves together. ⁓ And we go home and tell family. ⁓ marry this man and then he's sick and then I have to be a caregiver and I was like, no. But that's like the first time that I heard like the Lord's voice. Because prior to meeting him, was like studying the book of James ⁓ a month and I journaled and journaled, just read those chapters over and over. ⁓ And I was driving in my car and I was just thinking about like, he's nice, but I don't want to get attached because he got too many health issues. ⁓ And they, you know, we're just... lost and confused. It's like why? And then I just heard the Lord's voice when I was driving my car and he was like, Sharday, where's your faith? And then I was like, okay, it just like hit me because I've never like heard His voice like that. So I just trusted God and I was like, okay, I'm see what happens. And then I allowed myself to like go all in and to the relationship and we got married something that we. just hoped for for so long and we finally got it and then it's just gone. after that, just things kind of changed a lot on how we grieved and my husband, was just very angry, very angry. I ask ⁓ I'm glad that I followed the voice ⁓ of the Lord, for sure. Arthur has just ⁓ an amazing husband. really has. ⁓ our journey has just matured us and grown us in ⁓ ways that I don't think would have happened if I didn't. were you were with God? ⁓ After after ⁓ you have lost what you have prayed It's given and your dream just through the Yeah, ⁓ I was angry for sure more so ⁓ just just follow the voice of the Lord. If it wasn't specifically him. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Love that. So, all right, you're married. Mm hmm. When did you and your husband have to talk about children? So, we talked about it, probably early marriage. Mm hmm. Probably before we got married because he didn't want to have children right away. He wanted to wait a couple years, kind of travel, do things. I'm like. Like I just didn't understand. still don't know if I understand why. But yeah, I was more just really, really confused as to why. That's where I stayed in a state of confusion for a long time. I'm done with that, learn how to get married. I'm like, two years, let's wait two years at least and kind of go from there. And he wanted kids, but it wasn't like urgent for him. Like he could have waited five, six years and like been okay. But I was kind of getting antsy I'm like, get on birth control because we don't want to have kids right away. After a year, I'm like, maybe let's get off birth control and just kind of see what happens. So you lose your baby. And then what? did you at some point... get back on the journey to parenthood Yeah, for sure. took a while. I never stopped like praying and not to make it about my husband, but he was so angry that like I had to pray. to pray. I had to pray. What was your prayer him at that time? My prayer for him was just tried and tried and think anything think of it I honestly thought I was gonna be the person that like tried for a month or two and then just get pregnant I thought it was that easy. Let's talk about okay you say you try trying can look a lot of different ways right when you say you were trying what do you mean like what were you doing that makes you say you all were trying? Basically just stopping birth control. at that time. Yeah. So, so you weren't like tracking your temperature, tracking. You were just like not preventing. Yeah, not preventing. preventing. my mind, it was just going to happen because you're not on birth control and that's what happens when you not on birth control, you get pregnant. Where did that mind, where did that thought or that belief come from? That. That the belief that you try or you know, you don't prevent, you're not on birth control. for him to have some healing, because he walked away for a little bit. He was just done. He walked away. What do you mean? From God. He was just angry. He didn't believe. The God who he thought God to be at that time, lost hope in that because he couldn't understand that process. ⁓ I prayed a lot for him. It took a toll on our marriage. That was like, you know. and a month or two, three, boom you wanna be pregnant. Where do you think that belief came from? some deep dark times for both of us because we were grieving obviously. Oppositely, I was trying to draw near and he's like, no, I'm good. I'm good. ⁓ God, I'm angry. I don't want to. was that like for you two? Where are ⁓ saying you were trying to get closer? Mm-hmm to the Lord in that time, but ⁓ He good right? So he was distant. There was a disconnect. I think just what I saw what did you see what I didn't see How did that impact your marriage, your connection in your marriage? it was a challenge sure. ⁓ Because that's like one of the foundations of our marriage was our faith and was broken. we were So it's like I'm trying to ask him, like, how are we going to move forward in the future? Like when the Lord does with children, if you're I didn't see that a lot of people had trouble issues getting pregnant. And ⁓ when, were your reference points? Like ⁓ people you knew, people didn't know, everybody? Combination, people from high school, you know, we had girls at high school that were pregnant. Family members, like. My mother has two daughters. So my grandmother had three daughters. of the three daughters had just they all had two daughters. So and it wasn't like a conversation growing up. So I think probably TV back then movies show you're supposed to get married, have the house, have babies, have the dog. That's just the ⁓ over here and I'm over here, we're not aligned ⁓ on our faith, like how are going to get there? And he's like, well, you know. I'm not gonna, like he believes in God, but he's like, I'm gonna just teach our children to trust in yourself. Like, cause you can't let yourself down. Like that was his mindset. order of life that it just happened. I love that you said that because that's what formed my belief about what the journey to motherhood, and I'm laughing but it's not funny, what the journey to motherhood would be like. What the journey to parenthood would be like, Month or two or three, whatever. Boom, bam, you're pregnant because that's what happens. This is how you feel we're gonna raise our children. I don't know that this is gonna work. So it was a rough patch. That was probably about a year. Took a year for things to kind of get back on track and some healing to take place. That's what happened for my aunt. That's what happened for my cousins. And that's what happened on TV. So I'm glad that that was your, that you said that. That's what built that belief that it would just happen two, three months. Boom bam. All right. So. a lady from our church at the time. just came to our house one day and just poured into us and talked to us and really was able to like connect with Arthur. And for me, like I couldn't pray with him, so I just had to pray for him. I would go around the house with my oil. When he was gone, I would anoint his little game room, everything that he touched, where he would sit. about a year in you all stop preventing and then just pray and just ask God to restore his faith. At what point did you grow a concern? I would say maybe month four, like after that three months, it's like, no, wait, what's going on? So then maybe after month four, I probably started Googling some tips like how to get pregnant. You Googling. Yeah. Girl, the stuff we do. time we were able to get back. Get back on track. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. That is, it's just one of the realities when you're on the journey, especially when you believe, right? When you believe in the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit and... What did you get from Google that you actually tried that you remember? Probably ⁓ just timing. Because I never knew, like I remember in school learning about health, women's health. like ovulation is a short window. Never knew that. kind of like learning that ⁓ a week after your cycle ends, that next week is when you ovulate. So that's the best time for conception. you're married and you're trying and you know. I don't know about you, but I think God gives children. That's my belief. we are vessels, but we don't God doesn't need us for the part of life, but for some ⁓ we put that burden on And society does also. that's me kind of just did that not really like tracking tracking but just like okay this week let's try because we should get pregnant this week yeah if we try this week yeah yeah and then following Google's advice But what happened next in your journey that you remember after you tried, you know. A year goes by. Specifically focusing on the week after the week your period of ovulation. Yeah Trying that nothing try that for a couple months nothing And then just starting getting discouraged so ⁓ I remember looking up on Google saying that ⁓ You all are doing some healing and some some shifts begin to take place so you start opening back up to the idea of children. If you go a year without trying, I mean a year with trying and you're not successful to get pregnant, then you're considered like infertile. And I was like, absolutely not. Rebuke that, okay. Yes, that is not me. So I just, that's when I started getting anxious because I didn't want that like ⁓ label or title on me. talk about that. Yeah, so we start to get back in a line, not 100%, but pretty much about 90 % align on just our faith, our trust. ⁓ We know some friends that were doing a grant, couple, young couple that had infertility issues as well. They decided to use their story and their journey to help someone else. So they created a foundation called Sweet Dreams where they raised $10,000 to bless a couple to either contribute to our IVF. So when we get closer to the year mark, nine, 10 months, it's still not happening. ⁓ Then finally, I think after a year, we decided to just go to the doctor to kind of see what their thoughts were. How long had you been married at that time? At that time we were probably about two and a half years. Cause we didn't wait the full two years like we originally said, we waited a year after marriage. So at that time we were probably a little over two years married before we decided to go see a doctor. Okay. Okay. You go to the doctor. What happens? adoption if that's what they desire. ⁓ And they ⁓ a 5K, a 5K run, infertility awareness. So we did it year one to support, it doesn't cost to enter, you just kind of write your story, you have to have a letter from your doctor to prove that you ⁓ have issues in ⁓ So we do year one to support. So, and I want you to be as. great, they do it again, you're two. This time, ⁓ can't just write your entry application, you have to do a video of yourselves talking about what this would mean to you. That was for me, because I'm still not talking it out loud. Our family and friends, close, close ones knows what's going on, but more distant ones, can kind of maybe suspect ⁓ that we're having because we're like... Specific about like what did they say that you needed to do Whatever you're comfortable sharing ⁓ What what was the process right? What do they look at? What did what did they say you needed to do? What are they even and then what maybe what did they conclude? So first went with my OBGYN. I heard no you started there. Mm-hmm started there ⁓ We'll refer you to an infertility doctor. She didn't really do much from what I remember. Refer me to an infertility doctor. Go see this infertility doctor. ⁓ He just sits us in his office, does a consultation. No blood work, no exam, just talking to us. And he's like, ⁓ you know what, let me backtrack. Because we saw two different docs. at that time, year five, six, still no kids. I'm ⁓ I know if I'm do this. I don't wanna put it on video, put it out there for people to see. Did you have to post it somewhere? No, we just had to turn it in, but I didn't know what they were gonna do with the video, they were gonna post it or not. ⁓ And she's been through it, she ⁓ thinks just part of the journey to talk about ⁓ it. And to open up and help, to talk about it out loud. ⁓ and not be ashamed of your journey. So we finally did it like towards the deadline. I'm like, let's just do this video. submitted. Everyone who submits gets the chance. You know what mean? It's not like they're going to deny any application. we do the 5K and how it works is you can like, the first entry is free, but you can buy more to like help sponsor the event. think $10 to take it to get your name in there multiple times. were The doctor we saw, was an older guy, been doing for years. ⁓ He did do some blood work, did an exam and had Arthur give a sample. And he's like, well, the issue is male, like the sperm, it was a sperm issue according to this doctor. So he's like, I can get you pregnant. There's no issue. Like we can do IUI, which is where they do it. we were unaware that you could do that. ⁓ You can have family sponsored tickets for you. Until we seen a family, they like had a, their family name, lots of people with them to do the 5K. They like throwing in like hundreds of tickets in there. And at the end of the 5K, it's just like a hamster wheel. They rolled it and then they picked someone to pick a name out. Arthur and I, have one name in there. Cause we didn't know you could do multiple entries. Just our one little ticket. you have one ticket in there. Yes. One ticket. How many tickets were in this thing? Thousands. And you all only put one in there. We put one ticket in there. So we're standing in the back in the corner, called intrauterine insemination. But you're probably, you're gonna need a sperm donor, basically, is what he told us. That's what he said. That's what he said. Yeah. And he said, I can get you pregnant. He said, I can get you pregnant, you just gotta get Oh my goodness. He was like, it's not an issue. I can get you pregnant, you just need a sperm And obviously. My me, my cousins, Davina and Davonn Art, just chit chatting. Sharday and Arthur Brown, they pull our name out and we like, did they say our name? And we just don't know what to say. We like, what? So we won this grant for $10,000. And ⁓ then so we started the IVF journey. question, did he get you pregnant? He did not. He did not, ⁓ okay. did not. ⁓ Sperm donor wasn't an option for me. No. It wasn't. So we just try like didn't work. So we went to another doctor, gave a second infertility specialist, this guy. ⁓ Where did you all? He poses in the office, he doesn't do any blood work, doesn't do any exams. He just kind of listens to our story. We tell him what we've done so far, how long we've been trying. And he's like, well, what you guys are telling me is like a 1 % chance, less than 1 % chance that you guys will get pregnant on your own. Maybe a 5 % chance with IUI, maybe like a 15 % chance with IVF. So I think you should just move forward with IVF. journey through IVF, like which hospital facility? It's called RGI. Okay. ⁓ Akron. Okay. What does RGI stand for? ⁓ Gynecology and Infertility. Talk that. Where did you start? At that time what what was your understanding of IVF? Well, let's back up. Did you even know what IVF was when you were? When you had come off birth control I've heard of it just being in the medical field because I am a nurse I've heard of it. I didn't know what it entailed exactly, but I've heard of the term and had a little bit of knowledge So you two made the decision to do IVF? Not right away. Not right now. Talk that. Because when the doctor said that ⁓ that's best bet, ⁓ it won't ⁓ happen if you don't do IVF. ⁓ I'm thinking about stuff. But anyway. ⁓ with blood Mm-hmm. What were they looking for in this blow work? Do you remember just hormone levels? are there's a test I don't remember what called, but it looks at your ⁓ What were your thoughts and like your response and how did you process that together as husband and wife? We were very upset. We left the office. I left the office in tears, crying. Probably was crying in the office because he just was very just direct. No like... egg reserve is supposed to tell you the quality of your eggs and they give you like a a chart with, um, what your number should be for your age that you are. And at that time I was probably 32, 32, 33. my numbers were low for my age. So they were saying like, your quality of eggs are kind of poor. compassion, empathy, no hope really. Just like pretty much I can do IVF and it's likely gonna fail as well but we can give it a try basically. So we were very defeated. It was like an excellent, good, fair, poor, like poor, but I was like second to last. So we start there. that's like, that wasn't helpful. Yeah. Okay. So that was like, ⁓ man. Okay. And we already know we have the sperm issue. That's not new. ⁓ So we do the testing, we do ultrasounds to kind of get a baseline. And then she just, they explain the process, how they give you medications. and they really know where to go from there. ⁓ another thing, IVF is very expensive. So it kind of wasn't even an option for us. It wasn't a realistic option because we didn't have thousands of thousands of dollars to pay for it. So ⁓ we just start trying other things on our own, like changing our diet, eating certain foods. What are these medications? I don't remember the names of them because there's multiple. know one of this one is FSH, which is follicle stimulating hormone, which is supposed to help you produce multiple ⁓ follicles from your ovaries so that they can grow big enough. So we're doing that. Only one ovary is responding. The other one is not. I'm not getting good follicles because the follicles mature into eggs. we pause the process. We're like, you're not responding well. You have endometriosis. We know that through ultrasound. You have endometriosis, you know, just kind of all throughout. And it's like on that ovary. So you take a break and have to do a surgery to just kind of clean up the endometriosis, which is. Endometriosis is like uterine, your lining from your uterus that grows outside of the uterus. So it can grow on your tubes, it can grow in your intestines, it can grow in your colon, which makes it hard to get pregnant and it causes like just extreme discomfort during that time of your cycle. So I had a big on one of my ovaries that was ⁓ preventing that from producing follicles. How did they discover that? Through ⁓ ultrasound. I taking the medication and just wasn't ⁓ working. ⁓ we I a surgery to clean up the endometrioma, Cause the endometriosis also can like stick your organs together. ⁓ And it can be very painful for a lot of women. we have the surgery, goes ⁓ I heal up and then we restart again a couple months later. And this the medicine is responding a little better but not like great as we would hope it to. ⁓ So we finished going through the process. ⁓ I get... ⁓ think maybe six follicles, isn't a lot because some women get like 40, 50. Wow. Yeah. Okay. And then they pull them out. They take the sperm, insert them. It's called an embryologist, a person that in the lab takes the sperm, puts it into the egg so it can fertilize and turn it to embryo. let it grow for a couple of days. then I think we ended with two embryos. Okay. ⁓ and then they grade the embryos on like the health of them, like the higher the number, the better. One of them was like a seven, which is good. The other one was like a three, which is like, that's probably not gonna work. So we talked to the doctor, ⁓ cause the next step is to put the embryos in your uterus and hope that it attaches and forms and at this time did you think that it was all going to work out? I didn't know. I was hopeful but ⁓ according to like science the odds were low ⁓ and because it's my first round of IVF a lot of times it doesn't work and a lot of times ⁓ nowadays they don't put more than one embryo in because there's a risk that it could multiply, turn into twins or triplets. So the doctor calls me, she's like, well, we have one good one, we have one not so good. I think we should just both put them in, put the both in and see what happens. Normally we wouldn't, but we'll just see, see what happens. we put the two embryos in and then you have to wait like a week, ⁓ come in, get blood work, and then they can call you over the phone and tell you if it was successful or not. So, They have combined your eggs with your husband's sperm ⁓ and you've already gone to the procedure ⁓ of Them them inside of your your uterus. Mm-hmm. right And you wait a week Mm-hmm, and what happens ⁓ we go on for blood work. They call you later that ⁓ The nurse tells you the phone When you went in of your blood work? Were you feeling any way? Nervous. Nervous? you feeling anything in your body like, mmm, I think this is positive? Yeah, no, I was feeling like I feel a little twinge. I never felt this before. I was just trying to listen to everything to my body. They do tell you like to rest a couple of days afterwards, just kind of take it easy. And I'm like, maybe, what if? And a lot of people, you can test at home and possibly get a... but I'm like, no, I'm not doing that. So they call me, they're like, congratulations, it shows that you're pregnant. Oh my goodness. oh wow. I my husband, he's at work, he's like, what'd say? Tell him, he's like, I knew it, like he had faith, like his faith was through the roof during this time. He's knew it. So we are excited, celebrate, and then you still have to... get blood work like a couple days later to make sure it's doubling to make sure it's still implanted. And the process was successful. It worked. when you the news that you were pregnant Did you have any fears? was just hoping that it wouldn't happen again. I was like, we just got to make it through. You have a goal. Like let's get through the 12 weeks. That's when they say, you know, that you typically in the safe zone. So I was just hoping and praying and like nervous. but so hopeful, excited, scared, just all the mixed emotions. We make it to the 12 weeks. Everything's good. Everything's going as planned. So now I'm like, okay. I still didn't share. I mean, I showed my close family and friends, but all right, now we got to make it to 20 weeks. That's like the next goal mark. We make it to 20 weeks, find out the gender. We have low gender reveal by that time. A lot of family knows. At about 20 weeks? About 20 weeks. Like close family still knows. We still not telling a lot of people. But some people know when you're at 20 weeks and it's longer than the last time and it's becoming more real. Do you recall what your feelings were? Just grateful. Just grateful. still ⁓ had... a little worry just because you hear tragic that happen throughout pregnancy. So that's like lingering just a small part in the back of my brain. But for the most part, I'm just excited ⁓ and just through the journey. So after 12 weeks, I felt like I could breathe. Like that's when you get the anatomy scan and you see. that the baby is healthy, like the heart, the lungs, everything's developing on track. So we finally just kind of tell everyone. Do like Facebook announcement, whatever, kind of be able to like breathe. So. At some point in my journey, I felt this, feeling of emptiness because it's like. I want to or I believe that is a part of my life and I don't have children. And so I feel this emptiness because of it. Does that resonate for you at all? was that like for you? Just how you described it just... because you know ⁓ and believe that meant to be ⁓ a mother. until there, it's hard. mean, you can have ⁓ hope and the and the faith, ⁓ but until it's ⁓ it's kind of... still just like a feeling of not being complete. When did that feeling? away for you. I remember sitting on my couch in my living room, this is before we got pregnant. Cause for me, ⁓ my journey was like my faith and believing and just standing true to that. ⁓ And then I had make up in my mind that I'm gonna choose to trust God ⁓ every day. And I to make that choice. multiple times throughout the day when I'm thinking about it, the doubt comes in and then I will have to say, nope, I'm choosing to trust God. And like I said, multiple times throughout the day, I have to tell myself, this is a choice, we're trusting God. And I remember someone, I don't remember where it came from, but someone had mentioned to me, like, you have to visualize, like, you need to just visualize and see this. this is what you want, this is what you believe is gonna happen, visualize it. And I just couldn't for a while. like, it's what I want, but I just can't, I don't visualize it. And I remember sitting on my couch in my living room and then the vision just came to me. I seen, like I felt it and I seen like a baby like in my home. And then I think after then I was like, okay, like I'm good. Like this is gonna happen when I just. I don't know how to explain it in the other way, but. But would you say that that's when that feeling of emptiness. Yeah. Kind of just like dissipated. Yeah, think so. Because I was like, OK. I love that. love that. I think about I think about another testimony. And ⁓ said the same thing. And she said basically that feeling of emptiness did not go away. when she had the baby. It went away before she had the baby. Do you believe, your faith played a role in allowing that emptiness around motherhood, parenthood ⁓ to dissipate? Like thinking back just like at that time, just total surrendering to trusting God, even though, like I said, it was a choice for me throughout the day when I have doubts to just tell myself like we're trusting this process. But I think in that moment, it was like. I didn't have to choose to trust anymore. Like I did and I just surrendered it all and I can see it and I envisioned it and It's like this is it's gonna happen You're about to have a baby. Yes, right and at that time What was the time difference from the start? Like from when you actually got off birth control and now you're about to have a baby for real. What was that time gap? It was probably six years. Six years. Everything is going well. And you're in the hospital. Did you have your baby in the hospital? All right. You're not. I don't know. know, people, do them. They do them at home, girl. They do. I would have my husband's like, they OK. So you're you're in the hospital and you're getting ready to give birth. ⁓ yep. So baby was late, didn't come on his due date. We had to get an ⁓ was probably a 16 hour process from start to finish before he came. ⁓ And he came. I was able to deliver him. You were able to deliver him naturally without a cesarean or anything like that. I did get epidural, but I was able to deliver him vaginally. I just remember when he came out, was like just surreal. laid him on my chest and cleaning him up and I'm just weepy. Just crying and the nurse is like, are you okay? I can't even talk. I'm just, the tears are just flowing. Yeah, it was a surreal experience. Did it. Did it feel like God had kept his promise? He did exactly what he said. was going to Yep. God did it. You know, sometimes people are, hear this thing and they'll say like, it was worth. the journey, like even the pain, right? Even the pain and think about you losing a baby. that moment make up for? Yes, I would do it all again. I would do it all again. Yeah, because when they're here, it's like, it's nothing you wouldn't do, you know what mean? have them. So yeah, if I had to go through it again to have Needium I would do it all again. Yes, that's the name, okay? So they place your baby on your chest. How old is Needium today? Needium is six years old. Six years old, healthy boy. Healthy, full of energy, different character, everything, yes. Six years later, I just love that. Six years later and you're living in the answered prayer, God's promises. Can you take any credit for your pregnancy and your birth of a healthy baby? Do you feel like you can take credit for any of that? I don't. All the way from just winning the grant until delivery. Like, I can't take credit because out of all the names that was in there and they chose our one little ticket, I can't take credit for that. Yeah, and everything working like the chances of according to the doctors were slim with only having one good embryo and one not so good embryo. ⁓ can't take credit for that. Doctors, they were a vessel, but they can't take credit for that. Come on, preach, OK? Yeah. Yeah, I can't take credit for it. All I can say is that... God helped me prepare me for motherhood by allowing me to go through the journey and just my faith in Him, restoring my faith in Him and His ability. What would you say to the person, the woman, the couple they've been they've been on the journey when they're six, 10, 12 years in? What would you say to them? I would say to anyone who's on this journey. I would encourage you to be a believer if you're not. Even though it's hard, would say just try to embrace the journey. take in what you're going through and what you're learning about yourself, about your spouse, about your faith. if God said it, if you believe that God said it, then it will be. And just stand on that. Like our pastor says, you gonna trust him or you not? I love it, I love it, just thank you for being willing, open, vulnerable. ⁓ I just cannot wait for listeners to hear the rest ⁓ this beautiful story. Thank you so much, Sharday Of course. Thank you for having me.